Crystalline
by PinkCollins
Summary: Serena/Edward OneShot. Sometimes there is no going back.


**Hello, I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas and didn't get too drunk like I did!**

**A/N 1 - I started writing this one-shot about two-ish weeks ago - I think, it came after Catherine's interview in Inside Soap and me listening to music and feeling inspired. As I was finishing this off, I took a few snippets of information from the recent episode on the 24th December just to tie off a few ends.**

**A/N 2 - I mentioned a song, I only was inspired by the chorus - hate to say it but it is another Fleetwood Mac song, this time writing by Lindsey Buckingham, the song itself isn't about what you'd think, he is talking love in general rather than a person (Ms Stevie Nicks) Whereas I have taken this lovely chorus to mean a person. Lyrics are in italics for reference use only **

**Hope you enjoy :) **

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Crystalline 

_Been down one time_

_Been down two times_

_I'm never going back again_

He stood at her front door drunk, he had been on a dwindling spiral ever since the recent revelation of his dark secret, and now he did not care who or what knew. He did not care how it ruined his career, how it humiliated and broke the heart of his ex-wife and lover Serena, or how it destroyed his daughter Eleanor's Christmas. He was selfish, and reckless, he wanted it his own way, but this time he took it one-step too far.

Edward had charmed his way back into Serena's arms, he knew how much he could play her, and the drinking somehow made it easier it allowed the smooth talker that he was to reach greater heights, it rather made him irresistible, yet it was all a lie. Since he started to drink his money away towards the end of his marriage to Mindy, Edward found himself at a loose end, financially and personally, Mindy took what he owed her and pretty much left him with nothing.

Furthermore, despite not giving two hoots about seeing his daughter, Eleanor regularly over the past five years that he had spent married to Mindy, he had finally decided it was time to get back in on a more permanent basis. To top it off word buzzed round of his ex-wife Serena's promotion to deputy chief executive, and a six-figure salary - it was perfect for him, perfect for his financial mess.

He knew if he played the perfect father to Eleanor and then showered Serena in compliments, Edward figured he'd have his feet firmly back under the table, and it all happened sooner than he had thought and in truth he made a real hash of things, and the deeper the hole got, the more he drunk, the more he lied. An uncontrolled whirlwind that swept up commotion and deceit, a wound that smelt worse than a rotting cadaver did opened. Edward was trouble, a serial cheat by nature who used little white lies to cover his tracks. However, this time it was different, yes he played another woman, but nearly killing someone because he started to drink endlessly so he could keep up with the lies and so he could believe the crap that came out of his mouth was another.

Serena easily forgiven Edward for his fling with Mary-Claire, as they were not together, but his treatment of her after their relationship ended and how he used her to cover his own arse stood on another level. He had deceived her made her believe he was a changed man, yet when all in all he was no different, she was just blinded by her love for him, a love that never really went away, a love that caused her heartache for the second time in her life.

And now, had the cheek to turn up at her front door, three am in the morning; drunk. Ringing the doorbell constantly, shouting her name through the letterbox just to grab her attention, Serena chose to ignore, pretend it was not happening, pretending he was not there. Clutching on her bed covers and covering her head with a pillow, Serena did all she could to try to blot Edward out, she didn't even care as to what the neighbours would think, she had hoped that one of them would call the police informing them of a drunk idiot roaming the streets. However, Eleanor took the first move to get her mother to deal with the awful situation of her drunken father.

Tapping her mother's bedroom door, Eleanor walked straight in and turned on the light, angered that her mother was just ignoring her father's pleas, she thought her mother had more bottle than that.

"Eleanor, you can't just walk into my room" Serena exclaimed sitting up abruptly as her eyes struggled to adjust to the light

"So, you just were going to let Dad stay out there all night?"

_"Yes,"_

"I am sick of hearing that bloody doorbell," Eleanor groaned,

"You know how to turn it off"

"For God's Sake! Mum!"

"Put your headphones in and listen to music"

"_Mum!_ I want to sleep" Eleanor, hated her father for breaking up the new-found happiness her family had, it was all she ever hoped for, but now she hated her father more than her mother did. "Tell him to piss off"

"If he bothers you that much, tell him yourself"

"No, he's a prick"

"He's still your father" Serena replied, as that was true, despite her feelings towards Edward; she never wanted her daughter to think ill of him, because without Edward, Serena would not have Eleanor at all.

"_Please_ just make him go" Eleanor pleaded

"And you think I want to see him, speak to him?" Serena caught sight of Eleanor's irritation and somehow just seemed to relent to her daughters pleas "Fine, I'll go talk to him"

"Thanks mum, you're a star" Eleanor beamed as she almost skipped out of her mother's bedroom.

Feeling the cold from outside her covers, Serena grumbled - the things she did for her daughter often went beyond what she wanted to, especially when it came to the thorn in her side; Edward. Wrapping herself up in her dressing gown, Serena headed downstairs, turning on a number of lights as she made her way to the front door.

She could see the shadowy figure looming outside her front door, Serena closed her eyes as she held on to her keys putting them in the lock, hoping she would not regret what she was about to do. As she opened her eyes, she could see Edward leaning in the doorway, a familiar stance he used when he was trying to pull. Turning the keys in the door, Serena opened the door and Edward instantly smirked, and for someone who had drunk a litre of vodka, he still had clarity in his speech.

"Rena, darling..."

"Edward..." Serena scowled

"Come to see the New Year in with you"

"You're more than forty-eight hours _too _late"

"What's it matter, I'm here now" Edward pushed the front door a little and attempted to reach out for Serena. She almost felt threatened by him, she knew from the past after he had drunk alcohol he could be a little full on, and he towered over her, as strong as she was Edward left her feeling weak. She could almost feel tears prick her eyes, she wanted to love him, she still loved him, but he was a heartbreaker, a liar, nothing changed and he still believed he had the right and ownership over Serena, "_Baby..."_

"Edward, you need to leave"

"... I love you," He blurted as Serena backed away from him, she could smell the alcohol from where she stood, it still appalled her that she never realised it before.

"You don't know what love is"

"Love, is you... Darling come on, we can still make this work"

Serena felt tired of Edward, he brought her down, and he always did. It is just she never realised until that Christmas Eve, where his betrayal became revealed. "If you don't go, I'll call the police"

Those words rattled Edward, and as he saw Serena sink further behind the front door, a cog in his head ticked out-of-place, a usual given when he had been on the drink. Moreover, without even acknowledging it in a quick move he had a strong hold of Serena's wrist, had stepped in to her home, and forcibly pulled her out from hiding. It was a moment that allowed Serena to see the monster Edward had become, and it hurt to see the man she always loved, the man she tried to stop loving treat her like a rag doll. "Who _are_ you?" she spoke in a whisper as she looked him in the eye, she thought she would struggle to keep face with his advances, never did she imagine he would get aggressive.

Edward instantly knew he did wrong, although he was not opposed to using his physical brute when he needed to, he saw Serena's darkened eyes look up at him, and he knew he crossed a line. He had spent years emotionally hurting the woman, he of course would say that was unintentionally, but now he had hurt her physically in a bid to claw back the only thing that ever made sense to him. He released his grip from Serena's arm and shook his head in disbelief "Can you forgive me?"

"Would it make you feel better?"

"A bit"

"I can never forgive you Edward, not this time"

"Darling, I'll do anything.. Rehab, cold turkey... You name it"

"It's all just lies Edward; so please just get out of my house"

"I can't do this without you" Edward was desperate, desperate to secure his own needs; it was not really about his feelings towards Serena or even his daughter Eleanor. "Serena, I'm begging you, let's make this work"

"So you can walk all over me again, humiliate me, you have no idea have you, no idea what this is doing to the people around you. Not a bloody clue have you Edward. I cannot have you in my life, not like this, not again. I do not even recognise you anymore, so just leave me alone; I can't have an alcoholic for a lover... Eleanor doesn't need an alcoholic for a father"

"Fix me"

"No, no _Ed_.. You need to leave"

"I'm still me... Honey we've been great together, let's have that future we talked about"

Keeping it together Serena sternly responded, "You've got five minutes to leave this property, or I will call the police and I mean it this time, and if you try and touch me, you will have more than just a night in the cells to look forward to"

Edward bowed his head and muttered, "You'll regret it, I'm the best you'll ever have"

"You keep telling yourself that" Serena glared "Now if you don't mind"

Shrugging off Serena's statement, Edward he turned away and took a step out on to the porch "I do love you... _Darling._.."

Hurting, she had to fight back her tears; their relationship seemingly was always built on lies, half-truths, and deception - mainly on Edward's part. Yet she still could not help but love him, she never intended to let him back in her life, but in a moment of weakness, frustration he was the only one she could turn to and there it happened, her defences fell and she crumbled to her weakness, a weakness she spent so long resisting. Yet even knowing the awful truth, she somehow wanted to take him in her arms and tell him she could make it okay, he was like a drug, but drugs cause destruction and are dangerous, and that's what Edward was, danger - a downfall.

However, she kept herself strong and glared into the abyss, and she closed her front door, watching his shadow hovering by her from behind door, almost reaching out for him beyond the barriers, the tears finally escaped. In spite of all the mess, she deeply cared for Edward, and the thought that she might need to explain to her daughter that alcoholism killed her father terrified her; but she could not have Edward around her, he was poison carrying poison. Flicking off the hallway light she watched as Edward's shadowy figure went off in to the night, in the glimmer from street light that shone in the front garden she witnessed his shadow take a long swig from a bottle before disappearing out of sight.

A rev of a car engine echoed - he drove here; of course, he did, Edward was completely reckless like that. A sickening feeling sunk in her body, the right thing to do would be to call the police, inform them that were a drunk driving the streets of Holby, but the worst part was she did not want to, that would mean she was helping him, letting him win and have her affections. It would be the ultimate defeat; she could never let him have hold of her again, not like that. She felt foolish enough to know she let him back in to her love life for a second time, she was going to make damn sure she was not stupid enough to do it a third time.


End file.
